This title seems a bit strange due to the message that we so often are taught about the need to focus on others by being kind. From another perspective, is it possible that we need to focus on ourselves with kindness in order to care for others? I recently saw an enlightening meme about if we would talk to ourselves the way we talk to our precious dogs, we would be showing ourselves so much more love and respect. Interesting thought.

Hi, I am nine years old and I am in the 3rd grade. I have ADHD and I feel lots of different emotions all day long. I thought it would be helpful for you to know some of what it feels like to be me! IF you don't know, ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I know it is a mouthful, so we shorten it to ADHD. Recently, psychologists decided to not use ADD and just use ADHD, but there are three different types: Combined Presentation (with inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity), Predominantly Inattentive Presentation, and Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation. I have the combined type. So, that means I have a hard time focusing, and I can be hyper and say or do things without being able to stop quickly. However, I have learned how to help myself and cope with guidance from my teachers, doctor, therapist, and parents. Each day, I have lots of feelings such as, sadness, anger, confusion, fear, and happy! My mom and dad thought I could help other parents and children by telling you more about when I have these emotions and what I do with them.

In mathematics, Merriam Webster defines a constant as a number that is assumed not to change value; a fixed value. Google defines a mathematic constant as "a quantity that does not change its value whatever the value of the variables." Merriam states another meaning of constant to be "something or someone that is reliably present or available". Some synonyms of constant in the relational sense are: changeless, stable, steady, and unvarying.

As we look at parenting in these uncertain times, how does this idea of being stable and steady play out in our homes and in our relationships with our children?

Do you ever find your self feeling like your mind will not turn off? Are you stuck as if you are a hamster on a wheel, going around and around with thoughts and emotions? You get stuck in the unending rumination cycle of mostly negative thoughts. You are not alone! Both men and women, adults and children, all become entranced from time to time thinking about the what if's. For some individuals, this state of unending thoughts and emotions can dominate much of their day. Believe it or not, there is a solution to improve your ability to choose to get off the treadmill. And, the answer is not too complicated!

In the book, The Scaffold Effect by Harold S. Koplewicz, MD, he states, "The parental scaffold is the external structure and support around the child's 'building.' In the early days, the building doesn't yet have a solid framework. Fortunately, the strong parental scaffold that surrounds it keeps the building from falling down...if the scaffold itself isn't secure, it won't be strong enough to guide the building's upward growth."

According to brittanica.com, "scaffold, in building construction, [is a] temporary platform used to elevate and support workers and materials during the construction....it consists of one or more planks of convenient size and length, with various methods of support, depending on the form and use. I took the liberty to emphasize the phrase, "with various methods of support", because the way we all secure our own scaffolding may look different. There is not a magic formula to how to self-care, but we all need to put a system in place in order to support our children's building.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, "power is defined as the "ability to act or produce an effect" or the "possession of control, authority, or influence over others". A power struggle between a child and a parent occurs when either the child or the parent is trying to produce an effect (or a reaction) or the child or the parent is trying exert control, authority, or influence over the other. Very interestingly, the definition in the dictionary is completely accurate! The quote (pictured) by the Attitude Magazine refers to a parent often feeling threatened when a child is trying to gain control. The adult may become triggered that his/her power is actually being taken away by the child. In actuality, the child is desperately trying to gain some of his/her own power.

“There's no "should" or "should not" when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings.” ― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

What exactly is a ripple versus a wave? Ripples are the instant effect of wind on water and they die down as quickly as they form, as the surface tension of the water dampens their efforts. If a wind blows steadily across a large enough patch of water for a few hours then the ripples become waves and these will not be dampened so easily (naturalnavigator.com)

This series will encompass three parts:

1. Can We Create Boundaries and Give Choices? - Understanding about boundaries and limits. How can we empower our children and still give them choices? How do we create boundaries within ourselves as parents and teach our children to develop healthy boundaries as well?

2. Do We Always Have to Put Up the Alley Guards? - How can we allow our children to fail and not rescue them? When is it good to let them experience heartaches? When should we step in?

3. Modeling: What is the Message We Want Our Children to Hear? - What are we conveying? What is co-regulation? What can we do to model good boundaries?

To manage ADHD personally and/or as a parent, it takes dedication. You do have to commit to making some amends to your way of life in order to successfully begin to manage ADHD. It is a bit of trial and error. After making some changes, and there is not immediate improvement, sometimes disbelief can set in. Then, often a cycle of depression/anxiety can then begin and totally derail your improvement efforts. But, the "war" is not over! You can get back on track and try some other strategies.

This article reviews four personality strengths of an individual with ADHD: energetic, spontaneous, creative and inventive and hyperfocused. There may be a flip side to each of these characteristics, but for now we are focusing on the positives.

One of most common traits of an individual with ADHD is that they have a high amount of energy. The well known Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps, is a great example of someone with ADHD with heightened energy levels. When channeled, the hyperfocus and energetic aspects of his personality have produced record-breaking success. An undeniable dedication to what they are passionate about is usually quite evident in a child or adult with ADHD. The creative side of an individual with ADHD is evident in someone like HGTV star, Ty Pennington. He has been open about his struggles with ADHD, and certainly the positive creative side of his personality. He has used the highs of having a lot of energy to create and to become an expert carpenter and tv personality. The positives sometimes get clouded by the negatives with a person with ADHD. Ty would agree. A study in the Journal Child Neuropsychology shows that an individual with ADHD actually can be more creative. Refer to this link to read about the results of the study.

What are you Feeding your brain?...

This is the second article of the series...ADHD as we know comes with positives and challenges. Daily, an individual faces a variety of situations that cause a reaction. Because of their type of ADHD, that child or adult will face the need to handle emotions and events with discretion. As in the first article, we are breaking down the acronym a bit differently. Earlier, I went over the A of ADHD, looking at the anger and aptitude. This article we will learn about the first D of ADHD. As we all know, it really stands for Deficit; however, I challenge you to look at it from a different lens. How about we study the devotion and destruction that a person with ADHD faces.

We all have heard of ADHD. When you hear that acronym, certain experiences, descriptions, and individuals come to your mind. I am inviting you to see the strengths and challenges of ADHD in a new way. Let's take the ADHD acronym and think of it a bit differently. Each individual with ADHD embodies many challenging situations each day that require courage to handle with fortitude and confidence. How can an individual with the diagnosis of ADHD use their strengths to embrace life?

What are children dealing with the most on a daily basis? What am I seeing often in my therapy office? What can be done to help children with these three A's?

Why do I need to understand brain development? What are the main parts of the brain? Understanding how the brain works, will it better me as a parent?

You may have heard this term, "self-regulate". It is a well-used word these days for the way an individual can calm themselves in a stressful situation. A simple definition is that it is the way someone handles emotions, positive or negative. Some children have this skill more innately, and others need help developing the skill of self-regulation. It is even evident with infants. When a baby is agitated during feedings or diaper changing, this may indicate they have a harder time self-soothing. Later, this develops into a lack of self-regulation. As this child gets older, a parent may tend to want to rescue the child from feeling negative emotions. The child then turns to the parent as their external source of self-regulation.

Do you ever have your children look at you and say, "Why are you stressed?" or "Why are you frustrated?" or "Why are you sad?" or "Why are you excited?". And, the next minute, the children are mimicking your emotion. This concept is called co-regulation. I see this in my own family as well as in my play therapy office. First, what is regulation? In general, it refers to adjusting your response to change. Hence, self regulation is an internal response to a situation or emotion.

With Anxiety increasing year after year, we as parents are searching for ways to help our children not become overly anxious. In fact, the CDC published children with anxiety increased from 5.5% in 2007 to 6.4% in 2011- 2012. One in six ages 2-8 years has a mental, behavioral or developmental disorder.

Here are activities to do with your child as well as teach your child to instill a calmness.

Millions of Americans hit the roads and skies for holiday travel. This can be a stressful time on parents and children. The delays, safety concerns, health concerns, and just mere frustrations can bring on anxiety to all. However, with careful planning before you go, it could be a lot more enjoyable. One rule of thumb is to try to keep your cool, easier said than done! Being with family and friends during the holidays can be such an exciting time!

Establish Routine - It is no surprise that establishing a daily routine will lend to a more peaceful day. But, how do you do this when the regular routine of going to school is not in place, for example during the holidays. It is important to try to keep your daily routines in tact as much as possible. For example, if you eat breakfast at the table each morning, try to do that most days.

Holidays can be a time where lots of accidents can occur. From tripping over toys, presents, furniture being rearranged, to pulling down the tree, lots can happen unexpectedly. Making a trip to the doctor or worse to the ER is not on your holiday agenda! So, be aware of how to prevent mishaps prior to the accident happening.