Holding the Raft: Why Our Children Need Our Presence More Than Our Perfection
It’s a summer day at the beach. The children are enjoying floating on a raft in the ocean. They laugh as the waves rise and fall. The raft rocks up and down. As a bigger wave comes, they grip the sides as the raft wobbles beneath them. Then, they relax and feel safe again as the wave recedes. It drifts a bit with the current. You stand beside the raft, your feet firmly on the bottom, keeping it steady. You simply reach out to anchor the raft. The waves continue, but the raft never floats away. You are not fighting the waves. You are not trying to stop the ocean. You’re simply making sure the raft never drifts from your reach.
We also experience life’s waves. Summer was full of its own changes. Yet, this time of year, back-to-school-season brings so many transitions. New teachers. New friends. New schedules. Big feelings begin to surface for all. Your child may worry where to sit at lunch or which group they should belong to. You may be praying with some angst as the bus pulls away. The little kindergartener may cling to your leg, and you may be wanting to pull them back to you. The waves will rise and fall. We all naturally wobble. As parents, we often try to calm the waves. It is hard not to fight the current when emotions run high.
What if instead of trying to fix the wobbling raft, we become curious of what is actually happening in our brains as well as our children’s? As the waves intensify, the child’s brain naturally begins to scan for safety. New routines, unfamiliar classrooms, uncertain friendships, and unclear expectations all require extra emotional energy. Children aren't simply looking for answers through our words; they're looking for someone whose secure presence communicates, "You are not facing this alone." Children don't need perfect parents. They need emotionally available ones who hold steady through connection. Children experience our presence before they even listen to our words. Connection creates emotional safety. The brain begins to settle through that connection. The waves will still come, yet our attuned presence anchors the raft.
One of the hardest parts of the parenting journey lies in the unknowns. We don’t know if a storm is going to come up quickly causing the raft to feel like it is slipping away in the tide. We grow weary of standing firm as the sand shifts beneath our feet. We may feel we are losing our grip. When the waves rise, we must lean onto and rest in the never wavering presence of our Shepherd. We often believe the lie that if we're strong enough, we can control the current. If we hold everything together, our children won't face hardships. We feel a natural pull to protect, yet we get caught in the trap of trying to control so they won’t have to feel the ups and downs. David in the Psalms reminds us that we are not carrying our children alone.
In Psalm 23, the psalmist points out we will go through valleys. God does not promise we will not wobble and we will even drift with the current. Yet, we must lean on “The Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.” (Psalm 23, NLT) He guides us. He steadies us as we rest in Him, we are then able to be the unwavering presence for our children. He sees us and never takes His loving gaze from us. His rod and staff protect us even in the darkest of valleys.
The waves are not the problem. Every child (and parent) will experience disappointment. Every child will struggle. Every child will feel anxious at times. The goal is not to raise children that will never wobble. The goal is to raise children who know someone is still holding onto the raft.
This school year, our children don’t need us to stop every wave. They need to know we have not let go of the raft. And, on the days when our arms feel tired, remember this: The Good Shepherd never lets go. Connection doesn’t eliminate the waves; it changes how we weather them. Our children borrow from our steadiness until they develop their own. One day they'll hold their own raft. Someday they'll become the steady hands for someone else. Before we ever reached for our children’s raft, our Good Shepherd had already reached for ours. He fully sees us, faithfully holds us, and never lets us drift beyond His reach. As we rest in His presence, we connect with God, then within, then our children will learn how to survive the waves.
